Five kids, one failed marriage and I’m branded irresponsible.

I recently read a ladies dilemma, her dilemma was this. Her and her husband had been married for three year and they had five kids. Their marriage hit a bad patch and they ended up getting divorced. She was 34 year old owned her own house and car. She worked full time to support her kids. Her husband was a good dad and things were amicable. She went back to the dating scene but found it hard to meet someone that wasn’t married or already had a girlfriend. The other guys she met were put off by the five kids she had. She wanted to know why she had such trouble finding a good man.

One women’s advice was this:

“You were irresponsible for having five kids! Why have so many kids? Most men would find five kids off putting that’s why you can’t find a good man. What did you expect?”

One mans advice was:

You want a good man to look after your five kids? Good luck with that, you should have thought about all of this before having five kids.

This annoyed me! She was married in a stable relationship. The marriage broke down yet she still worked full-time owned her own house and had her own car.  She has achieved more at her age than some single people still living at home with their mothers. She never expected to be a single mother of five but she still providing for her kid. Being in a committed relationship is not irresponsible! Whose to say every kid wasn’t planned maybe they wanted a large family.

Five kids could be off putting to a guy who wants to start a family with a women who has never experienced having her own kids. However there are plenty of stand up men who wouldn’t be put off by this but would fall in love with her and all that comes with her. When you love someone you put their needs first and the joy and happiness that it brings them will give you satisfaction.

She never asked for a good man to look after her kids they have a father and a good one at that. She was looking for a companion who understands her situation and was prepared to love her regardless.

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Why do men cheat?

There are five main reasons men cheat

  • Lack of sex.
  • Emotional disconnect.
  • Feel under valued.
  • Rejection.
  • Not a priority.

Most men would tell you sex is very important if you want to a successful relationship. Sex enables you to bond mentally and physically with your partner. It enables you to please you partner in a way no one else can. It allow your partner to feel wanted/ connected to you. Sex bring attraction and passion to the relationship. A lack of sex leaves a void in men they were built to reproduce, without being able to carry out the sexual act  leaves them vulnerable which we all know men don’t like. They question the masculinity,  does she love me, am I good in bed, is she still attracted to me? If this need is not being met with their partner they will seek to find it somewhere else with someone else.

2. A man needs to feel connected to you. He needs to be able to trust you. If you keep pushing him away eventually you will push him into the arms of someone who will hold him close. He needs to feel loved. If they keep giving and their not receive they will go looking for it.

3. A man needs to feel appreciated every now and then he needs his ego stroked. They need to feel that what the bring to the table is sufficient that they are a provider. If you don’t appreciate him he will find someone who will.

4. If a man ask you for sex and you always have an excuse not too, he’s going to cheat on you. You dent his pride every time you say no. There’s only so much reject a person can take  till they go somewhere to find love and affection.

5. He will cheat if he doesn’t feel like a priority in your life. If you keep putting everything else above his needs and want he will cash out and invest somewhere else.

A man won’t cheat if his needs are being met physical and emotional. He has to feel appreciated and needed, he must add value to his women life.

Selfies with the dead is the new craze in Russia

selfies with the deadI have seen many things in my time but this has to be one of the most disrespectful disgusting thing I have seen. I came across this article on aol.com. Which talks about the newest social media craze which is to take a photo of someone who has passed away. I cant even begin to imagine how this craze even started or why it is even a craze. When someone dies its supposed to be a sad occasion where you reflect on that person and what they meant to you even how they contributed to your life. There are some things that are not meant to be shared on social media and this is one of them. People need to learn boundaries and show respect for the dead and their loved ones.

Why black men choose white women.

I came across this It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I’m so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!
Dear Jamie: I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Black female’s attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes… I could go on and on. But, right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Black men, let me know. Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA RESPONSE
Dear Jamie: I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.
Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women. Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don’t want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.
Read your history! It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the black women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.
BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given.article and I want to see what you think about it.

Is there truth to this article? After all the struggles in our history are we too mental strong that our own men would prefer to take the less challenging option of finding a mate, or is it like the forbidden fruit in history you were told that being with a white person was off limits. Or as black women have developed to much attitude and raised our standard so high that it unattainable,or maybe is it just simple people are following their hearts and are choosing partners bases everything else and skin colour no longer has any importance. Let me know what you think.

Hello World

I started this blog to talk about real issues, issues that affect my life and day to day issues that we see in the media. Many issue I feel people are either to scared to talk about or they don’t address the issue head on. If your a Christian cake-maker are you wrong when you refuse to make a cake for someone who is gay? When is it ok for a police officer shot a criminal regardless of their colour without it turning into a matter of race discrimination?

Why is it that when practising you faith the norm becomes offensive to the minority?

When is it ok for a child to play outside without their parents?

How much freedom is to much freedom when your child is starting secondary school?

When is it ok to tell your kids about sex?

Is the benefit system to blame for the crisis in the UK or is the business that have been avoiding paying taxes for years?